My Grandma Downing was not exactly your typical grandma. Buying her cards for Mother's Day or her birthday was always somewhat comical as the gushy Hallmark sentiments for grandmothers didn't even come close to fitting the kind of relationship we all had with her. You see, my Grandma Downing was not particularly thoughtful or sweet. She was not tactful, and she was definitely not submissive. No, my Grandma Downing wasn't typical, but that didn't make me love her any less.
While there are lots of things she wasn't, she was a great cook. She made fresh creamed peas that were to die for. I won't touch the things now, but Grandma's were amazing. She made phenomenal Parker House rolls, and incredible home-made angel food cakes. She always had Post Toasties or glazed donuts for me to have for breakfast, and as a kid, it felt like she was treating me like a queen.
My grandma didn't know how to show her love very well though, and she had a temper. One time when I was there for a week in the summer, I was so homesick, I tried to call home. I was so young, I didn't know about area codes, and I ended up talking to an operator. Grandma heard the sound of the phone and asked if I was playing with it. I lied and said no. I went to Grandma Sexton's from there, but before long, Grandma Downing came to get me with a wooden spoon in her hand. I'll never forget that walk back to her house with her holding me firmly by the hand--telling me how lying was wrong and had to be punished. How expensive it was to make a long distance phone call. How she had a lot to do and I was keeping her from it. Now I was no stranger to spankings. I got them all the time at home. But this one stung deeper somehow and I haven't forgotten it. She was more harsh than she should have been, but I betrayed her trust. She let me call home that night and Grandpa gave me extra loves and snuggles. Grandma loved me very much, but she was one tough cookie.
As I think about Grandma Downing, the ways she encouraged me were subtle. She loved the way I played the piano. She asked me to play at her church often, and she encouraged me to practice on her piano at home. She wrote me letters and shared bits of her daily life with me, even when I was small, so I could feel a part of her life. When she moved to Norfolk, Brian and I would go to her apartment each Sunday and have lunch with her. We carved pumpkins at her house one year, and spent the afternoons talking. She loved Brian and loved how he loved me. She'd tease us both and we'd tease her right back. When we had Gabe, she called him Brock (his middle name--her maiden name) for the longest time because she "liked that name" better. She always asked if I was taking care of my diabetes and worried that I wasn't. She talked "school" with me as she had a been a teacher before getting married, and loved hearing about my student's shenanigans.
My Grandma Downing was not your typical grandma and she was not without faults. But neither am I. At times, I have a temper similar to hers. I don't always show an abundance of tact. I have been far too harsh with my own children. I am incredibly blessed to have had so much time with her and for both of my boys to have positive memories of her. I miss all of my grandparents, but I miss her the most. It's not just because I knew her the longest, although I know that's part of it. Rather, I miss her because I was old enough to recognize her shortcomings and love her in spite of them. As I recognize so many of them in myself, I hope my own family is able to do the same.
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