Mary Anne Smith is my mother-in-law. Some would take issue with my verb tense, as she died a few short months after this picture was taken. Zane is a newly-minted one year old here, but a few days from now, we'll celebrate his 8th birthday. No matter how much time passes, she will always be my mother-in-law--fiesty, funny, so very talented, and one of the most fiercely loyal people I will ever know.
But time has passed, and she has missed so much since she's been gone. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, family dinners. But more important than that, she never got to meet her two youngest boy's wives. Never got to see them married. Settled. Happy in their life choices. She wasn't able to be there when Alana was born. Or Ava. She met Zane and Ella, but didn't get to see the joy they have brought us all as they grow, or see Gabe's gawky teenage phase. Her grandchildren brought her immeasurable joy. She still lit up when she saw, talked to, laughed with and cajoled her children. She has missed so very much.
And we have missed so much. So much to laugh about, so much advice, knowledge, and experience to glean, so many recipes to share and projects to do. So many holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries to enjoy together. In the month before she died, she told me very clearly, "I'm not sad or worried about dying, but I'm going to miss THIS..."-- her family, our relationships, our lives together as a big, crazy, occasionally dysfunctional family. We have missed her desperately in "this," but how could we ever wish her back? She is without pain. She is not suffering. She is healed.
I've never understood people who want their loved ones to be watching over them in heaven. Why in the world would you want someone in Paradise to look down and see us in our screwed up mess of a world? I'm not sure when the whole going-up-to-heaven thing happens, but when she gets there, I know that Mary Anne is focused on what really matters more than anything--being with and worshiping Jesus in a new and amazing way. We have missed her desperately, and she has missed some things here. But really, I think we're the ones missing out on the amazing new life that she started living those seven years ago. We can fill her in on all of "this" when we see her again.
Writing the very first blog post of your very first personal blog isn't as easy as it sounds. Even for an English teacher who generally likes writing. So I'm keeping my expectations low, and you, fabulous reader, should too. I suppose I should also mention that by reader I assume that will be my parents and my friend, whose great work on her fabulous blog Jules will be much better than anything I do here.
So what exactly am I doing here? Probably, what most people do on blogs--thinking out loud, sharing the tiny bit I've learned about life so far, and connecting with other bloggers and my readers. All three readers, that is. And for those of you who know me, you know that I rarely do things halfway. Thanks to this idea, Julie and I are both going to be blogging (I suppose there might be a few thousand others as well) for the 31 days of October. As with most things in my life, I'm sure this won't be perfect. But I'd love to have you join me in this journey as I focus on things like faith, parenting, family life, and teaching.
Life is flying by, and if I'm not careful, the day-to-day busyness can overtake me. I want to live intentionally--purposefully--and to help build deep love, or roots if you will, for the things that matter most within my boys. As Jeremiah 17:7-8 says: "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD and whose confidence is in the LORD. 8"For
he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a
stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be
green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought, nor cease to
yield fruit."
No fear. No anxiety in times of trouble. Never ceasing to produce good things.
Root 'em deep.
